Starting a new thread of insane shit I over hear my husband say to our toddler.
“Here, will this rice cake cracker sate your dark passanger?”
2. “Come now my child.”
*bluey the album starts playing*
3. “Oh I am so sorry. You’ve been mildly inconvenienced. How dare I truly”
4. “It is she! Her Majesty, Queen of the Sludge, Keeper of Goo, DJ Baby P (In the House) Dropper of Beats and Clapper of Hands”
5. He is in charge of bathtime and he lifted the ghoul tonight while singing “come with me and you’ll be in a world of baby sanitation” and I laughed so hard I snorted pasta
6. Okay this is more one that he said to me about the toddler but he was home with her while I was at work and I just got this text
7.
“Happy Independence Day Sweetie! Nationalism is a cancer!”
8. This is another one he said to me about her but still it made me laugh so hard I nearly choked
9.
*Penny babbling in the back seat, many la la las coming from her car seat*
“Are you singing us a song? Ah yes the dulcet tones of goblin”
10.
“Listen kid, I can’t let you have the cup anymore because you keep chugging the bath water, so we just have to remove the cup from the equation.”
11.
*penny is screaming, trying to climb back up a big slide at the playground*
“Someday you’ll learn about ,I don’t know physics and the myth of Sisyphus ,and you’ll start making a lot of connections I think. “
12. *Pen is still screaming and baby cussing about not being able to climb back up the slide*
“The problem is that you set goals for yourself that are unattainable by both man and baby.”
13.
“You can keep the cookie container, I don’t care. What kind of father would I be if I tried to separate a small raccoon child from her trash!?”
14.
*Penny is crying because the bucket she insisted on sitting in fell off the couch with her in it. Husband is bouncing her and rubbing her back after assessing that no physical damage occurred, just a bruised toddler ego*
“Oh my poor sweet angel. She fucked around and found out.”
15.
16. “The only three things this child cares about is Elmo, Cooking Videos, and Keith Tryguy”.
17.
“Hey. No! Cup privileges hereby rescinded, bath chugger”
18.
we miss him a lot
19.
20.
“I just don’t know how you and I, the two most indoorsy people to ever exist, managed to give birth to I don’t know , Baby Bear Grylls!?”
“In one of the most notable moments in sports history, Kenyan runner Abel Mutai was just a few feet from the finish line, but became confused with the signage and stopped thinking he had completed the race.
A Spanish athlete, Ivan Fernandez, was right behind him, and after realizing what was happening, he started shouting at the Kenyan for him to continue running; but Mutai didn’t understand his Spanish. Fernandez eventually caught up to him and instead of passing him, he pushed him to victory.
A journalist asked Ivan, “Why did you do that?”
Ivan replied, “My dream is that someday we can have a kind of community life where we push and help each other to win.”
The journalist insisted “But why did you let the Kenyan win?“ Ivan replied, "I didn’t let him win, he was going to win.” The journalist insisted again, “But you could have won!”
Ivan looked at him & replied, “But what would be the merit of my victory? What would be the honor of that medal? What would my Mom think of that?” Values are transmitted from generation to generation. What values are we teaching our children? Let us not teach our kids the wrong ways to WIN.”
I know we could not be any more different, but there is one thing we do share, the certainty that you will make your own way in this world.I am sure of it, Eloise.
ALT
